Chapter 3 - The basement

The week passed quickly. On Wednesday, they got approval for Jack to come on Friday for a sleepover. His Dad dropped him off.

“Hi, I’m Walter,” said Jack’s father as he outstretched his hand toward Elizabeth.

“Elizabeth,” said Mum, with a childlike grin on her face.

It was very clear where Jack got his good looks and Mum, Barnaby could swear, was blushing.

“Noooooo,” thought Barnaby as he grabbed Jack and dragged him away.

“Dude,” said Jack, “Your Mom is smoking hot!”

Barnaby put his fingers in his ears.

“Bleh-la-le-lah, Bleh-la-le-lah, I can’t hear you.”

“No denying it buddy!”

Barnaby continued to drag Jack up the stairs and into his bedroom.

“Dude, how can you live in a house with that hottie! That must drive you crazy!”

“Are you serious?” said Barnaby.

“Well…”

“Anyway, shut up and listen to me.”

Jack shut up. For a change.

“Dude, I think my Uncle may have finished his teleport.”

“Dude! You’ve started saying dude! Cool!!”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“I hear ya,” said Jack as he wanders across the room and lifts up a Kylo Ren doll.

Barnaby hurries over and takes the doll from his grasp.

“My Uncle... may have finished… his tel-eee-port.”

“You’ve lost it dude.”

“No, I’m being serious. There’s been these weird rumblings coming from the basement and burning smells and he’s acting very strange.”

“Dude, sounds more like you have a faulty washing machine.”

“I can prove it!”

“How?”

“Well, that’s where you come in. We need to get down there and take a look, do some investigating. Only thing is, he keeps it locked and he always has the key with him. He wears this big long coat when he goes out and I’ve seen him put the key in his inside pocket. We need to figure out a way of getting that key without him knowing.”

Jack looks at Barnaby for a while, as if trying to figure out if he too was crazy.

“Okay, I’m in.”

“Sweet, so how do we do it?”

“Easy. Tomato soup.”

“Huh? Tomato.. Soup?”

“Yeah. When he comes out of the basement, you walk into him carrying a bowl of tomato soup.”

Barnaby looks bewildered.

“You spill it on his shirt, he has to take off his jacket to get cleaned up and WE steal the key.”

“Oh my god! You’re a genius!!”

“Meh, I have my moments,” says Jack flicking imaginary dust from his shoulder.

“Come on, let’s go see if we have tomato soup!”

“Dude, you do realise ANY kind of soup will do?”

“Alright then, let’s go find some soup!”

The pair rush off down the stairs to the kitchen, past Elizabeth and Walter, who are DEEP in conversation.

“You check these cupboards, I’ll do these ones,” says Barnaby.

There then follows a period of about 30 seconds where the house is filled with the sound of slamming kitchen cupboards.

“Bingo!”

“Tomato soup?”

“Heinz. THE tomato soup!” exclaimed Barnaby.

“Wow. You crazy Brits, only you could get so excited about soup.”

“Remember, my Yankee friend, this tin of tomato soup could be the key to a world of adventure!”

“That is NOT a phrase I ever expected to hear in my life,” replied Jack, shaking his head in disbelief.

Barnaby quickly produces a soup bowl from another cupboard and proceeds to pull off the ring-pull top and pour the contents into it.

“What wonders lie in a bowl of soup?” thought Barnaby to himself. “This could really be the start of an incredible adventure, no matter how much Jack mocks me. What if Uncle Finch really has invented a teleport machine? What if we could travel anywhere in the world in an instant? Maybe even the Moon!? Or Mars!! What a wondrous adventure that would be.”

Barnaby continues to stare at the bowl of soup for a bit longer as he continues his internal dialogue.

“Should we heat it up?” asks Jack as he joins Barnaby in what seems to be an international soup-stare contest.

“Huh? Sorry, I was miles away.” replies Barnaby.

“The soup. Do you want to add to the effect by scalding your Uncle with boiling hot soup, perhaps disfiguring him permanently, or would you rather just warm it slightly?”

Barnaby thinks for a few seconds.

“I think just above room temperature would be fine. We needn’t scald him without good reason.”

“Good call, my friend, good call.”

“Are you sure this will work?” asks Barnaby.

“Of course, my plans always work, they NEVER fail! Now, it’s just a question of how long we have to wait before...”

No time at all. The familiar sound of the basement door bolt being withdrawn, ended Jack’s question abruptly.

Any moment now.

Uncle Finch turns and locks the basement door. Barnaby knows this is all going to be about timing and that timing is now.

“No, you Nazi spy! You will never take Mr Churchill’s soup!!”

Barnaby has an active imagination, that has clearly sprung into life. It is clear, one needs an excuse to run around the house with tomato soup.

As Uncle Finch turns around, Barnaby charges, soup first, into him, delivering the package directly on target, in the middle of Uncle Finch’s starched white shirt.

“W-w-w-what the bloody hell are you doing?!!!!!!” shrieks Uncle Finch, looking down in horror at the mess now dripping from his shirt onto the wooden flooring. Not quite speechless, but almost.

“Sorry Uncle Finch,” replies Barnaby, “but Jack here is a Nazi, you see…”

“Stupid, stupid boy!!” screams Uncle Finch, barging his way past Barnaby and into the downstairs bathroom, whose door he proceeds to lock behind him after slamming it hard shut.

“Damn it!” whispers Jack, “he’s locked the door!”

The boys can hear a fair amount of ranting coming from the bathroom. He sounds quite furious.

“What do we do now? What if…”

Suddenly, the bathroom door flies open and out storms Uncle Finch, still wearing his long coat, but with only a white vest on underneath it (and underwear, of course). His shirt and trousers are bundled under his arm like a big tomato filled rugby ball, as he proceeds to barge past them and upstairs towards his bedroom.

“Oh no! He’s still wearing it!” says Barnaby.

“Looks like tomato soup does not equal adventure today, huh?” replies Jack, patting him on the back and walking toward the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” asks Barnaby.

“To the John!”

Barnaby looks quizzical.

“The bathroom?” says Jack, not quite believing that Barnaby has never heard the American term for toilet. “Unless you want to know WHY I’m going to the bathroom?”

“No, no, you’re fine, no need to divulge that much information, no thank you!” replies Barnaby.

Jack enters the bathroom, closes and locks the door behind him.

Barnaby sits down on the chair next to the landline, dejection starting to pull his shoulders down to his knees.

“My plans never fail!” whispers Barnaby to himself in an American accent, mocking Jack’s own voice, “I’m a big stupid American… clutz!”

Suddenly, the bathroom door unlocks and out walks Jack, dangling Uncle Finch’s keys from the end of his finger. Barnaby is clearly amazed.

“How? What? When? Who? Where? Which? Eh, huh? How did you do that?” asks a confused Barnaby.

“I told you, my plans never fail!”

“But I don’t understand.” Barnaby has never been more confused. He’s imagining some sort of crazy scenario, where Jack has rigged a drone to fly in and grab the keys. Nope, that’s ridiculous.

“Well?” shrieks Barnaby, awaiting the details of the cunning plan.

“In all the excitement, he had to take off his coat to get his shirt off, right?”

“Right.”

“When he did, he threw it onto the edge of the bath. Keys must have slipped out. Found them sitting right next to the plug hole.” Jack, clearly impressed with himself, starts to imitate the sound of a cheering crowd. He high-fives a bunch of invisible admirers before finally awaiting one from Barnaby.

“So that was part of your plan, right?” Barnaby is not convinced.

“Right from the start,” says Jack as he continues his victory lap.

“Genius or buffoon?” Thinks Barnaby.

“Anyway, doesn’t matter, we have them now, let’s go lay low somewhere until he has gone out.”

The pair rush outside and pick up their bikes, before racing off down the road with Momo in hot pursuit.

“Come on boy, keep up!” shouts Barnaby over his shoulder to Momo.

“Woof, woof!” responds Momo, as it to say “It’s not a problem!”

Momo’s keen little smiling face follows the two boys all the way down to the local park, where they spill their bikes and rush over to an ageing climbing frame, whose paint now makes climbing a hazard.

“That was so cool,” remarks Jack.

“Totally,” replies Barnaby, picking up a stick and throwing it with all his might. Momo rushes off to retrieve it.

“So what now?” asks Jack.

“Let’s give him 10 minutes, then we’ll go back and make sure the coast is clear.”

“And what if he has invented a teleport device? Do we take it for a whirl?” asks Jack cautiously.

Barnaby really hadn’t thought that far ahead.

“I’m not sure. I guess we need to know it’s safe first.”

“Hey! What are you two losers up to?”

Jack and Barnaby spin round to see Jack’s sister Polly walking up to them with Marsha at her side. Barnaby feels his knees go a little weak.

“None of your business,” replies Jack.

“We’re going to sneak into my basement and find my mad Uncle’s teleport machine!”

All three kids turn to look at Barnaby. Jack is mouthing “Shut up,” to him.

“You’re going to what?” asks Polly.

“Um, my mad Uncle. We think he’s built a teleport machine and we’re going to… owww!”

Jack has kicked Barnaby on the leg.

“Nothing, he’s just having an episode, don’t listen to a word he….” Jack is forcibly silenced as Polly steps toward Barnaby and puts her hand over her brother’s mouth.

“The truth now boy and don’t lie, coz’ I’ll know!”

Polly is actually very pretty, shoulder length red hair with a straight fringe, blue eyes and a light dusting of freckles across her nose, all wrapped up in a grungy-tomboy outfit of black dungarees and a shocking pink polo-neck. She is also directly in Barnaby’s face and chewing on a piece of gum. It’s at this point that he notices just how beautiful her eyes are. Oh no, another one! What’s going on?

“Yeah, he built a teleport device… we think… and, you know, we’ve stolen his basement lab keys and... we’re going to... go… have a peep!”

Polly continues to be right up in Barnaby’s face. She is looking at him from left eye to right eye and back again, trying to suss him out. She pulls a slightly bemused look and then steps back.

“Cool. Let’s go,” insists Polly.

“Go? Where?” asks Barnaby nervously.

“I want to see a teleport machine,” replies Polly, as if it was an everyday occurance. “Marsha?”

“Hello?” replies Marsha sheepishly.

“Wanna go see a teleport machine?”

“Sure, sounds like…”

“Yeah, we’re coming to see your teleport machine,” says Polly throwing a fresh piece of chewing gum into her mouth.

“Woof!” Momo is waiting patiently with his stick.

“Is this your dog?” asks Marsha to Barnaby.

“Yeah, this is Momo,” replies Barnaby still shaking a little at the knees.

“He’s beautiful!” says Marsha bending down and giving Momo a big kiss on his nose.

In turn, Momo licks Marsha directly across her face.

“Pffffft!” she says, wiping dog spit from her face, but maintaining a smile. Barnaby offers his hand so she can get up, but Jack pulls him away briskly before she can accept the offer.

“What are you doing?” whispers Jack through gritted teeth.

“I was just going to help Marsha up…”

“No, idiot, telling my sister, MY sister anything! Secrets to her are things she posts on Facebook. She’s never kept a secret in her life! She’s the New York Times for God’s sake!”

“I just thought…”

“YOU thought, oh, hi Marsha, wanna come on an adventure and then maybe WE’LL KISS!”

“Keep your voice down Jack!” whispers Barnaby, trying to get the volumes lowered a bit.

“Come on losers!” shouts Polly, who is now exiting the park with Marsha and her new best friend, Momo.

“Coming” shouts Barnaby as he rushes off after the girls, picking up his bike and leaving behind a shrugging, bewildered and annoyed jack.

“Yeesh!” shouts Jack, grabbing his bike and racing after the rest of the group.

-

“Hello?” shouts Barnaby as he enters the front door.

“Uncle Finch?” he shouts, already knowing that his car is no longer in the drive.

Silence.

“Hola?” comes a voice from upstairs.

“Hola Consuela!” Barnaby shouts to their Mexican housemaid, who is preparing to hoover all 9 bedrooms upstairs.

“Come on in guys,” whispers Barnaby, ushering his chums through the door.

“Why are we sneaking around your house. You live here!” points out Polly.

“Fair point,” replies Barnaby, raising his eyebrows.

The four of them gather around the basement door. Momo trotts off upstairs to find a comfy bed.

Barnaby pulls out the key and inserts into the lock.

“Here goes!”

The lock opens up and the four chums stare down into the darkness.

“Go on then,” says Jack, pushing at Barnaby’s shoulder.

“Oh for goodness sake,” says Polly, as she pushes past them and flicks the basement stair light on. The other three follow behind her as she confidently trots down the stairs and into the basement.

“Wooooh!” says Barnaby and Jack as they get their first look at the basement.

It is a HUGE space, with several divider bookcases, filled with textbooks and reading material. Barnaby recognises a couple of books by Stephen Hawking, Brian Greene and the grubby copy of ‘App Building for Dummies’.

There are also several tables in various states of chaos around the room. Each looks like it has its own special little project going on, with heaps of components, wires, cables and tools scattered around. The most obvious table contains a vice that is holding an odd looking blue crystal. Next to it there is a neat little device that looks like an iPad has been bolted to a meat griller with two handles and a longer inverse cone that looks like one of those ‘ball popper’ toys.

“Is this it?” asks Jack as he picks it up.

Barnaby looks at it with great interest.

“Don’t know,” replies Barnaby, hitting the power button of the iPad, which then proceeds to boot up. As it does, a thin blue light emerges around the circumference of the ‘meat griller’ part. It holds like that for a few seconds and then turns green.

Jack, moves the device around in his hands, checking the underside and staring into the cone section.

“This looks promising,” says Polly, pointing at a pair of snow boots.

“Huh? How is a pair of boots promising?” asks Jack.

“They’re sitting in a puddle of water,” replies Polly, clearly seeing something everyone else isn’t.

“They’ve been used in snow and it’s the middle of summer!!” Polly finally has to point out.

‘Ahhhhh,” says the group collectively.

“Hey, Barnaby,” says Jack tugging at his sleeve, “We need the iPad password.”

Barnaby thinks for a second.

“Try, 25… 12… 69. His date of birth. He was born on Christmas Day,” replies Barnaby.

“Nope,” says a dejected Jack.

“No wait, try 24… 12… 77,” Barnaby suggested as an alternative.

“What’s that date?”

“The date his parents, my grandparents, died,” relies Barnaby.

“They died on Xmas eve?” asks Marsha.

“Yeah, car crash,” Barnaby replies with a sombre tone.

“Bingo! We’re in!!” says an elated Jack, brightening the mood somewhat.

The group move closer together to collectively look at the contents of the iPad. It contains the usual Apple supplied apps, weather apps, BBC News, Google Maps and one other called ‘Leaper’. Jack taps it and it begins to launch.

“Has to be this one,” he says, excitement gathering in his voice.

The screen goes black.

“Did it break?” asks Polly.

“No look, there’s a very thin red line at the bottom of the page, progressing toward the right. It’s loading something,” replies Jack.

They watch in anticipation as the line completes its journey to the opposite side of the screen.

Then more black.

A few more seconds pass and then 2 circles appear on the screen. One contains a picture of Uncle Finch and the other, a picture of Momo!

“Wait, why is your dog in here?” asks Polly.

“I don’t know!” replies Barnaby.

Jack taps the picture of Momo and the screen is replaced with some data:

‘Last journey:

Name: Momo trial.

Latitude: 77.004298 • Longitude: 107.218237

Elevation: 24.6m

Date: 01.07.2014 - 15:47

Target date: 01.01.1970 - 12:00

Return date: 01.07.2014 - 15:47

Outcome: Successful.’

Then 2 buttons. ‘View map’ and ‘Return’.

“Look at that! Son of a gun! He’s used your dog as part of the experiment!!”

“When was that? That was Monday! He had Momo downstairs that day!!” says Barnaby, realising the truth.

“What are those coordinates?” asks Marsha.

“GPS, longitude and latitude,” replies Barnaby.

“Yeah, I know, I meant where are they?”

“Hit the ‘View map’ button!” insists Barnaby.

Jack complies and a Google-Map-type screen pops up showing a rugged satellite view of a piece of unrecognisable coastline somewhere.

“Zoom out,” asks Barnaby.

Jack continues to click the ‘zoom out’ icon until the first words appear.

“Severnaya Zemlya”, says Barnaby, reading aloud the map.

“Holy moly,” says Jack as he continues to zoom out, “Look at that! Right in the very north of Russia! Siberia!!”

“That’s why Momo was cold when he came out of the basement. He’d just been to bloomin Siberia!!” says Barnaby, the truth unfolding before his eyes.

“That’s why we have wet snow boots here!” says Polly, pointing over her shoulder.

“Why take my dog to Siberia?” asks Barnaby.

“Well, let’s just say you’re not going to get any passers-by there!” replies Marsha.

“Wait, go back to the journey page will you?” asks Barnaby.

“Sure,” says Jack, clicking the ‘Back’ icon.

“Why does it say, ‘Target date: 01.01.1970 - 12:00’? Why would you put an old date into a teleport device?” asks Barnaby.

“Because, it’s not just a teleport device!” says a voice from the back of the room.

“Uncle Finch!!” shouts a surprised Barnaby.

Uncle Finch walks towards them.

“What do you mean, ‘It’s not just a teleport device?’” asks Jack.

“My dear boy, you are holding in your hands the world’s first, working time machine.”